I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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