I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
