do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
