Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
