Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
