I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
