Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Your cock deserves a montage
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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