Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
