I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
