doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
