bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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