Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
this just has baby written all over it
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
