No, drunk sperm still make babies.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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