so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
