Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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