yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
