you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
