Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
