I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize