and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
