Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
