we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
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