speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Quick, to the slutcave!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
