Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Where is the hickey?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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