Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
