youre lurking in front of me
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
soo... how was my night?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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