it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
