i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
