Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
