i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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