im drinking this country out of the recession.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
