Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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