woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
