Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
