Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
BRING THE BAGELS
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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