My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
