As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
