We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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