I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
