And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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