Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She bit a glass in half.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
