you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
