Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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