Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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