The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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