so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
