We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
