am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
