When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
