I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
