My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
