I heard we made out
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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