Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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