So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
