my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
