sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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