Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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