her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
