can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize