It's Friday. Sex?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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