He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My cat gives me a boner
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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