I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
