I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize