you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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