it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
