i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Yo dont text me then not text me
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
