you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
