My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
