Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
