Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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