is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
