can we get nightvision for the apartment?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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