I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
