Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
