O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
he thought i was a dude.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
