I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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