Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
