Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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