but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
