this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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