He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
