is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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