I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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