i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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