oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
