I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
In other news, I just burned my penis
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
