Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
