the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
