I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
