We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
please come you make the beer taste better
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
