Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
