dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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