i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
