i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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