Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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