toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
