your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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