there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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