My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
