after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
