Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize