They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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