Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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