Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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