YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
