the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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