I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
