his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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