he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
