The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
