Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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