standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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