now i know why i became what i already was.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
