it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just want to make out with him forever
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
