Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Dear god my vagina.
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