I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
